Thank you Sia

It's 12:47 and my brain won't shut off.  This happens from time to time.  This is actually better than waking up at 3 am and being unable to fall asleep.  I think too much, and that can be a problem.  I tend to obsess about things, often little, insignificant items, causing my brain to continue processing late into the night.  I seem to have the opposite problem right now, no obsession, I am just here.

There is one thought that is kicking around in my head right now, and that is my love of the pop singer Sia.  For some reason her music has away of attacting to my soul.  I think the first song I heard by her was Chandelier, and there was just something about the lifting refrain that grabbed hold of my brain and won't let go.  Her music has a way of casting a spell on me.

In a very real way, Sia has saved my life.  She is the first artist I turn to when I am in crisis.  In the deepest parts of the tunnel, Sia's music has been a lantern that has led me out.  Her music helps to calm my nerves and quiet my brain.  Even now, Chandelier is wisping its way through my mind, and with each passing flow, my muscles relax a bit more and a smile grows on my face.

On the days that I just want to end, I look for anything that will help to dispel the fog of pain.  I find it odd that during those times, when I see myself begging to die... I am scared.  I wonder if this is the rational part of my brain working towards self preservation.  Or is it just my fear of death itself, and I am not ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.

Will there be a day when the fear is gone?  I am not sure.  As I stated before, the reason that I started writing was to create an outlet for my pain, a place where I can confront the darkness, and try to stare it down.  It is helpful to remind myself that I do have weapons to fight with, and I just need to pull them out of my quiver when they are needed.  Sia is one of my arrows, and while I know she will never see this, I do want to thank her.  Thank you Sia, for saving my life.  God bless