Life is a joke. It is one long cosmic joke. Why can't I die, why won't a God let me die. He should either kill me or take away my fear. Until then, my purpose on this Earth is to cause others pain. That is all I am good for. I produce nothing but pain. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I fail at everything. I am selfish, I only take. The sum of my life has been to suck resources from those I love. I am tired of causing pain.
And yet I am too selfish to do anything about it. I am a coward who won't do what is right. I am delusional and inflating my self worth when I say this, but if you are reading this, stop. Stop wasting your time. Even if I don't know you, I will cause you pain, I will cause you misery.
The world would be a better place without me in it. There would be more hurt if I stayed, than if I died. Some would feel pain if I was no longer here, but they would realize that it was for the best. The majority of those I know will feel better, as I am no longer causing them pain.
I am too fucking selfish. I am trying to stop being selfish, but I am still a coward. One day, I hope soon I will stop being a coward, and do what needs to be done. Until then, I am sorry. I am truly sorry
God doesn't "harvest" you 'cuz there is stuff They need you to do, still. They are aware of your pain and stand in the Spirit at your elbow, even in this pain, this anguish. You are not abandoned nor forgotten, despite how awful things are going. This may not lift any of th' rocks off your chest, I know-- sometimes the well is too deep and th' Light is too hard to see o'erhead; but God is there, and so am I...
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